A Year After the Fall

An update on living with TBI

November 16th is the anniversary of my accident. According to every doctor I’ve spoken to, the recovery from my brain injury will likely be as complete as it is going to be on that date. So, here I am. I stare at a blinking cursor trying to think about what insights I can share and how I can summarize the experience. The blinking cursor taunts me.

It turns out I cannot tell you how this story ends, but I can say it is better than I imagined possible only a few months ago. I wish I could summarize what I learned from it or why I think it happened, or how the Universe hoped I would benefit from it, but I can't, at least not yet. When I agreed to start this conversation, I assumed after one year, I would be able to close the book on this period of my life with some message gleaned and ready to share, but it seems I need more time. To force it now, would be inauthentic and it would be a disservice to all those who are in various phases of living with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and also to those who love them. So, the ending to this story remains unwritten, but I'm happy to say I am increasingly enjoying where the plot is leading me.

In the spirit of my blog written 6 months ago, I can tell you what I know now:

I am okay. Totally.

I am well enough.

I am new, not replaced.

I am pain free most days.

I am interested, again.

I am curious, again.

I am here and I want to be, fully.

Even if my recovery period is technically over, I am making choices that will continue to improve my life, and I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to do so.

I am happy now and moving closer to Joy daily.

I celebrated a birthday nine months after my accident. I shared an update on my social media channels and I think it still sums up the entire experience best, so I share it here too.

For those who knew I celebrated a birthday yesterday and extended wishes to me this week, I thank you very much. I’m not one who’s big on celebrating my birthday but I recently started to care a lot about this one.

It’s not my 40th, or my 50th. I’m celebrating that I made it to 47 in spite of the hit my brain took since my last birthday.

I’m celebrating finally seeing more lightness than darkness again and my increasing desire to expect it.

I’m celebrating the growing space and energy within me that seems to directly correlate to my diminishing pain and the fears that seem to go with it.

I’m in awe of the friends, family, and co-workers who stayed with me through my most fearful and confusing times, even when my deep anger for it all was misplaced on them.

I am grateful for recognizing now, the tremendous support I was receiving from “friends” I never met in person, willing to share their personal stories and resources with me simply to help me through my injury. You did help. Thank you.

In April I shared a video of me dancing to get past my fear of what would happen if I got hurt again. For my birthday, I bought myself a new red dress, played the same song (a bit of an anthem to myself) and danced this time purely for the joy of it. I am full of joy and gratitude this birthday. Thank you for celebrating with me.

#gratitude #lifeafterconcussion #tbi #foreverinmylife #prince #movementislife #justdance #justsayin

—Kristi Cooper